Advocating for Your ADHD Teen at School: What Every Parent Needs to Know
Being a parent comes with a host of personal challenges: worries about whether we are doing enough (or too much) for our kids, what kind of people they will be when they leave our homes, and, if I’m honest, whether the world will think we’ve done a good enough job as parents.
I’m a parent to an amazing, neurodivergent teenager. Most of the struggles we have faced have been around school-related issues. Honestly, during the early school years, I noticed he was having issues with executive functioning. Before he entered the school system, ADHD or executive functioning skill challenges weren’t on my radar for my kid.
Over the years, through extensive reading, training, and work with neurodiverse kids, I’ve learned that they often need help to be successful at school. Unfortunately, our school system is designed for a specific learner profile, and if you fall outside that learner profile, it can be hard to succeed.
Teens with ADHD may present with unique challenges. In a lot of ways, they are very typical. In other ways, we need to incorporate specialized approaches.
Parents, you need to know what to ask for. The school system has a legal right to educate ALL types of students, but sometimes, we have to remind them of this. Not every parent has hundreds or thousands of dollars to spend on advocates or lawyers, so knowing the basics is helpful.
In this article, I will provide some helpful tips that are specific to neurodiverse students. I will also discuss common challenges for teens with ADHD, link to resources, and questions to ask to yourself and school personnel. Some of this you may already be doing, but some of this may be new information for you. I encourage you to figure out what works best so you can advocate for your teen with ADHD.
Why Your Teen with ADHD Needs an Advocate at School
The impact of ADHD symptoms on learning can be overwhelming. I am going to break down some of the common symptoms that are associated with ADHD and explain how they can affect learning.
Inattention
In some circles, ADHD is described as an “interest-based nervous system.” This means the less interested your teen is in a subject, the harder it will be for them to focus. When your teen likes the subject (and possibly even the teacher), they can focus more and usually perform better.
Let’s say your teen has little to no interest in their classes; it will make it much harder for them to pay attention, take notes, and pass their tests. And usually, no amount of threatening or coercing will help them. Your teen is likely compliant with attending school and class, but just showing up doesn’t earn them the grades they need.
Because of this, your teen may have tons of missing work, low/failing test grades, and may even fail their classes. Their teacher may say things like, “If they put a bit more effort into school, they would do better,” or “They are really unmotivated to work.” As a parent, hearing this can send you to a tizzy of overthinking, jumping down your teen’s throat, and worrying if they will fail out of school, become homeless, and turn to a life a crime (I kid, but not really).
In this care, you need to ask for specific support to help them get through classes they have trouble focusing on. Better yet, you can work with your teen so they can ask for what they need in class, such as taking a break after 15 minutes of lecture or a copy of the notes ahead of time. Your teen will usually be able to tell what parts of class are the most challenging. From there, you can work on a plan to discuss the specific challenges with the teachers.
Emotional Hyperarousal
This symptom of ADHD is not always talked about but is a key feature in most of the young people I’ve worked with over the years. There is literature and books that highlight this component of ADHD, most specifically written by Dr. Gabor Mate, who writes and lectures about ADHD extensively.
A key feature of emotional hyperarousal is the increased intensity of thoughts and emotions your teen experiences compared to that of a neurotypical teen. This can lead to many more challenges with teachers and peers. To go even further, this symptom can impact your teen’s decision to open themselves up to building healthy peer or adult relationships-or not.
Oftentimes, emotional hyperarousal causes your teen to turn on themselves, meaning they internalize their emotional waves as personal characteristics. They may say they have “anger issues” or call themselves a “hothead.” This can lead to further issues like negative self-esteem.
Your teen needs to understand their emotional capacity, their triggers, and what they can do to reduce getting to their boiling points. Again, having a conversation with staff members to explain this feature of ADHD and develop viable solutions will help your teen feel supported.
Organization
Organization is probably the most common complaint I get from parents about their teens with ADHD. ADHD involves an impairment of your teen’s executive functions, and by teenage years, most adults get frustrated when dealing with an unorganized teen.
Your teen’s lack of organization is often the root of missing work and school deadlines. I think of organization as a secondary executive function that relies on primary functions such as time management, planning, and working memory to be well developed.
If your teen struggles with organization, consider the possibility they’re struggling with time management, memory, and planning out tasks and responsibilities. I would bet they are! It will be hard for your teen to be organized if they can’t master these primary functions or if they don’t have support for them at school.
Think about what you see with your teen at home and elsewhere. Do you constantly remind them of chores, tasks, and appointments? Are they repeatedly late to the bus, work, or football practice? Does your teen demonstrate the skill to plan a project due in a few weeks by breaking it down into smaller steps? Consider, then, that the organization will also be if these skill areas are a challenge.
Organization is a skill that can be taught, as are strategies to support working memory, time management, and planning. Your teen may need external support at school as they learn to develop these skills.
Advocating for your teen who struggles with ADHD symptoms can be a game changer in helping them succeed at school. When your teen is supported by parents and staff, they feel more connected to school. As they learn about their uniqueness and how ADHD shows up in their lives, they start feeling better about themselves, too. Next, I’ll share how services are outlined and provided at school for teens who require more support.
Know Your Teen’s Educational Rights: IEPs, 504 Plans, and More
Let’s break down your teen’s educational rights at school. All students who attend public educational institutions have the right to a Free Appropriate Public Education (FAPE). This means that schools must provide students with educational disabilities with an education that considers and supports their barriers to learning.
What is an IEP?
An Individualized Education Program, or an IEP, is a plan that outlines how a student’s learning barriers impact their ability to learn at the level of their peers. An IEP outlines the following:
- How the educational disability impacts learning
- Strengths and weaknesses of the student
- Future goals of the parent and student
- Present levels of performance
- Educational goals
- How will the goals be met, and when
- Accommodations the student needs to access learning
- Modifications to how instruction is provided (if applicable)
- Related service providers such as speech, occupational therapy, physical therapy, etc.,
IEPs are only designated for students who have undergone an evaluation and are eligible for special education services under one of the 13 educational disability categories. They are also only provided to students who attend institutions that receive federal financial assistance from the U.S. Department of Education.
In my experience, students with ADHD symptoms that are adversely impacting educational progress typically are eligible for services under the category of Other Health Impairment-Minor. This category best aligns with the challenges students with ADHD face.
IEPs are documents covered under the legal rights of the Individuals with Disabilities Educational Act (IDEA). This means the students’ needs exceed what can be provided by their regular teachers and thus require additional support from a specialist.
Over the years, the stigma about being on an IEP has decreased. In the past, this was taboo to talk about and even brought shame for parents and teens alike if they needed an IEP to be successful in school. Thankfully, times have changed and are more inclusive (despite the current administration’s ideology), with parents being more willing to request support for their kids who are struggling to learn.
What is a 504?
A Section 504 Plan, or 504 Plan, is a plan that outlines accommodations for a student with a disability. To be eligible for services, the student must be determined to meet the following:
- Have a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities or
- Have a record of such an impairment or
- Be regarded as having such an impairment.
Each federally funded K-12 institution is required by law to provide access to supports for students under the Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. Every school has their own process they employ to determine if a student is eligible for a 504 plan. The best person to ask about getting access to these supports would be the principal or school counselor. They can direct you to the right person, if it is not handled by them specifically.
It is important to note that having a diagnosis of ADHD does not automatically mean a student is eligible for services. In the following section, I will share a few key pieces of information to have available and to request regarding your teens school performance.
There is a lot of discourse about what is better, a 504 plan or an IEP. They are both helpful supports. The reality is the level of support is as good as the personnel and system it’s created in. If your teen attends a school system with knowledgeable staff, adequate resources, and diversity, you’ll find that either of these plans is sufficient.
In my experience, some school districts are better resourced to follow a 504 plan. It’s not really talked about as much, but a 504 plan can include just as much as an IEP. In the guidance document from the department of education, speech services, counseling, and other services can be outlined in a 504 plan. The reality is most schools are strapped for resources due to overwhelming student needs, staff shortages, and limited knowledge about ADHD, specifically. This leads to parents not feeling as confident with a 504 plan, understandably so. In many cases, those supports are more likely included and followed if it’s in an IEP.
If you see your teen is falling through the cracks, you can reach out to school staff and request both. I have a sample letter here that you can copy and modify to fit your teen’s needs. [Sample Request Letter]
If your teen already has a plan that doesn’t seem to be helping, here is a sample letter you can use to request a team meeting to review progress and discuss other options. [Early Request Letter]
Learning/Student Sucess Plans
If your student attends a private school, support will look different there. Since private schools don’t take federal dollars, they are not required to offer FAPE.
Over the years, many private schools have been more open to accepting students with learning differences, even though they aren’t legally obligated to support them.
Instead of an IEP or 504 plan, your student may be eligible for a service or learning plan. In my experience, an evaluation is still needed to be eligible for the plan, often at the parent’s expense. A little-known fact is that you can request an evaluation through the school district that houses your teen’s private school. Usually the staff at the school can direct you to the specific person you need to talk to at your home school district.
It can be a bit of a process, but it can be worth it, especially if there are rising challenges that the school’s infrastructure does not currently support.
Whether you choose to find a private practice that conducts full comprehensive evaluations or you request it through the school district, it does take time. Be sure to document who you’ve talked to and when. This helps ensure your requests are being honored in a timely manner. Most private schools want to maintain enrollment and are more than happy to work with you to find solutions to your teen’s challenges.
Building a Strong Partnership with Your Teen’s Teachers
Building relationships with your teens teachers help them in the long run. It is very good practice to have a list of your teens teachers names and contact information for quick access.
The benefit of having an alliance with your teen’s teachers is the cornerstone of advocacy: helping them to understand what works best for your kid, having clear and shared expectations, and being open to discussion about challenges that come up.
It can be hard to build this collaborative relationship if you only speak with one another when your teen is in trouble or behind on work. I have found highlighting and pointing out my child’s strengths to his teachers is helpful. Teaching is hard, and while I imagine most teachers would love to know each of their students well, it can be challenging.
The more information you can provide them upfront about your teen’s challenges and strengths, the better. That way, when issues arise, your teen’s teachers feel comfortable contacting you to find solutions. Plus, teens are a bit more conscious when they know they have parents and teachers on the same page and openly communicating.
Attend back-to-school nights and open houses. Try as much as possible to show your face and be a presence. I’m telling you this matters. If you work and can’t be present in person as much as you’d like, keep the lines of communication open via text, phone, or email. It all matters and shows your teen you are committed and serious about seeing them succeed.
How to Make the Most of School Meetings and IEP/504 Reviews
When you are meeting to discuss concerns about your teen’s performance, be mindful to have the following information available:
- Current diagnosis (es)
- Medical history
- Changes at home that can be impacting your teen’s functioning
- Medication (if you want to disclose)
- Previous assessments or school data
- What you’ve tried; what’s worked, what hasn’t
Stick to the facts and observable information. During the meetings, you may feel emotional about what is going on, and that’s normal. Do your best to highlight specific concerns and develop a few ideas about what you think can help.
Many parents tell me they don’t like meeting with school staff because they don’t listen. I encourage you to speak up. If that is hard for you, have a family member accompany you for emotional and moral support.
It is important that you are able to speak up about your concerns; they’re valid! Avoid blaming and pointing fingers, but do share your frustrations. Also, share what is going well. Everyone likes to feel respected in these meetings, and they can be emotional for all parties. Outline your notes in advance. Bring your notes with you to the meeting.
Before ending the meeting, make sure you clearly understand the next steps. Write this down, too! Once the meeting is over, follow up with the team via email to reiterate what was discussed.
Helping Your ADHD Teen Speak Up for Their Needs at School
Teaching your teens to advocate for themselves is a skill they will need for a lifetime. Especially as a teen with ADHD, their functioning is sometimes judged as a character flaw. Helping your teen build self-awareness about their functioning is essential.
Anytime you meet with school staff, include your teen in the meetings. They should be invited to the table. Include them. Ask them questions. Having your teen speak about their experiences is developmentally helpful because it helps them see they have a voice. Teens who always have parents coming to their rescue can feel like they can’t be trusted to care for themselves.
Helping your teen advocate for themselves helps their self-esteem. Building autonomy helps them step more confidently into their maturation process. Plus, it helps you stop hovering (I know you are. Trust me, I get it, and there’s no judgment!). Teens love to feel more responsible, and any way they can show you they can handle challenges will be great for them developmentally.
What to Do If Your Teen’s School Isn’t Providing Adequate Support
Despite their best efforts, the school may fail to provide your teen with what they need. If this happens, do your best to meet with the appropriate staff to resolve the problem.
School systems have a chain of command, so always start at the building level. If you cannot resolve issues there, ask to meet with the pupil/student services director. The personnel in this department generally oversee IEPs and 504s and can act as an intermediary between you and the staff at the building. Usually, at this level, issues can be resolved.
There are a few things I encourage you to consider. The school is limited by scope and space (time allowed for services). This means the school is not a mental or behavioral health center and is looking at your teens’ educational challenges. They may not be well-versed or skilled at working specifically with teens with ADHD.
The scope of practice in the school setting may be limited to educationally focused support. If you see your teen exhibiting challenges with their social-emotional needs, seek a counselor, psychologist, or therapist to help them outside of school.
If your teen is showing growth with the support but you feel they need a bit more, you can ask about the intensity of support in place and ask if it can be increased. That could include additional minutes of services for executive functioning skill building or more time with the math interventionist.
If they are being pulled out of class too often, causing further challenges, you may choose to find a specialist or coach to work with them in the evenings.
If you feel the school is not following the plan you all agreed upon and you’ve tried to resolve this with the pupil/student services office, you can contact the school board to file a complaint. I hope you don’t find yourself in a situation where you’ll need to move to that level, but it is necessary in some cases.
The next step would be to contact the state education department and request an advocate for conflict resolution.
Advocating for Your Teen: A Parent’s Most Powerful Role
It’s important to remember that advocating for your teen is a process that requires clarity, understanding, and effective collaboration. Speaking up for your teen’s needs is a courageous act and one that many don’t come by lightly. It can be intimidating to speak up, but as you do, your teen is empowered to do the same.
The best thing to do is keep communication with your teen’s teachers open. I recommend keeping a communication trail for reference. Communicate about the strengths and the challenges.
I created this guide for parents like you who are navigating the education system with a neurodivergent child to help you become an empowered parent advocate.
This guide is packed with questions to ask, letter templates you can use and personalize, and an outline of the process from seeking services to monitoring progress.
You can get your free copy here: Unlocking Potential: A Guide for Neurodiverse Students Navigating Special Education.
If you have questions, you can send them to info@potentialandgrowth.com. We have been working with parents like you for the past 13 years and are happy to answer them.
If you are located in Ohio, we offer counseling and coaching services for students with ADHD and executive functioning challenges. You can check out our services and book an appointment here.